These are questions I have sat with over the last six months, as several changes have occurred in my life and in various ways.
So how does one fully embrace the feeling of ecstatic bliss and sacred joy when in any given moment joy falls away and feelings of anger or sadness take joy’s place?
Over time, one has learned that through the process of awakening we come to recognize that Joy & sorrow are but one thread and there is no opposite of Love.
In Love there is no separation, Love- just IS.
Even trying to find words to describe Love, can cause a split and cut us off from this moment- the only moment in which the awareness of Pure Love can be felt and experienced.
To experience Pure Love is to stand naked at the shore of the ocean and Feel the waves of desire, longing, sorrow, loss and despair crashing at one’s bare feet.
Give up on trying to derive answers from questions uttered in yesterday’s prayer.
And stop trying to make sense of everything, instead check in with yourself…
How are you Feeling and can you BE with that?
Can you fully receive this moment, without expectation, without needing this moment to be anything other than what it is?
Can you be with your sadness as well as your joy?
Can you surrender to that?
Can you surrender the need to run from what you Feel Now?
And can you let go of the need to know who you are?
Maybe through the process of awakening, you have experienced the deepest Truth of who You are, this doesn’t mean that when the next moment arises you’ll be exempt from coming undone.
One can easily be seduced into becoming attached to a spiritual identity, bypassing or negating one’s Feelings.
Ahhh…yes, spiritual awakening has it’s own kind of heartbreak and while you’re spiritual practice or spiritual identity may have served you along your path, even helped you awaken to what you know in your heart to be True- can you be just as fascinated by this moment?
Can you be fascinated by your humanness and your capacity to Feel…
To Feel All of it-
What it means to be Alive-
…To experience adventure
…To get lost in the dance
…To feel the warmth of an embrace
…To make Love to your Beloved
…To be vulnerable
…To sit with a another in turmoil
…To Feel with one’s whole heart, the pain and anguish of loss, especially when it burns in the belly and feels excruciatingly heavy to the heart-
It is in these moments we must ask ourselves
…Can I be present to what is- Now?
…Can I hold the weight of my own grief with tenderness & care?
And can I honor how I feel even in the depths of my own despair?
If you’re still enough-
If you give yourself the space to Be-
To just breathe and Feel it All-
Somehow the burning dissolves, the heaviness subsides and all that remains is presence & Love.