The Adventure of Observing!

Recently I’ve become kind of obsessed with observation. While observation and awareness is essential to meditation, I have been observing a variety of things just for the fun of it! My observations include everything from nature, people, animals, their behaviors, you name it! Its not that I haven’t observed these things before, or haven’t experienced a profound sense of connectivity to life…but lately I don’t feel the need to label a sunset “beautiful”, or become irritated by individuals who are ignorant or cruel. In fact, integrating this practice in my daily routine, especially while at work and at school has become extremely beneficial, as it has allowed me to gain a deeper sense of patience, understanding, compassion and connectivity that is almost always disregarded when I become complacent with life, disengaged with others and in a complete and utter “rut”.

Oh yes, from time to time the unconscious self rears it’s ugly head. After all my psyche has to contend with 25 odd years or so of social conditioning! In any case, taking a more integral approach to all areas of my life is indeed a work in progress. However, it is a refreshing approach, one that I surrender to with humility and gratitude!

Walking In Truth

Normally I post a blog once a month because I currently don’t have the time to commit to writing as much as I would like to. However, since my last posting a few days ago, I keep contemplating what it means to live in truth. Perhaps you have a perspective you’d like to share…

Recently I watched a documentary on HBO about Maurice Sendak, the writer and illustrator of famous books for children like, Where The Wild Things Are. In this candid documentary Sendak recounts experiences in childhood, including intimate stories about his parents and siblings. Sendak also shares how he found it difficult to accept he was a gay man early on in his life. What was deeply profound about this documentary and why I enjoy watching documentaries in general, is Sendak’s honesty. As I mentioned in my last post, for many of us living in truth is very difficult, especially if we’re confounded by trying to derive a sense of purpose and meaning out of our lives. I imagine for many of us, (myself included) walking in sheer truth means we are able to be completely honest and sincere, not only with others but first and foremost….with ourselves!

Despite the fact that the air has grown a bit more frigid in the big apple, there is something to be said about walking through the park amongst seemingly endless mounds of amber colored leaves and taking in the late autumn air. It is these moments that I feel deeply connected with who I am, moments in which I am exonerated from meeting the expectations and needs of others…free to breathe, live and walk in my own truth.

Discovering Who I am

It’s been a while since I posted an entry and much of the reason is due to the fact that I have been exhaustingly busy, trying to manage work, school, my personal life and my spiritual practice. I keep trying to convince myself that once I have time to do “x”, then I will be able to do “y” and the result of course will be some utopian “z”. However, the truth is, my current “x” will undoubtedly be replaced by another time consuming “x” and I’ll find some excuse not to do “y” and once again I’ll be looking forward to my utopian “z”! This is the beauty and mystery of my life, of all of ours lives.

Although one may read this and find the above to be flighty, idealistic, unstable, sad, weird or any other adjective one might use, I can honestly chuckle because these days I’m trying not to take myself, nor my life too seriously. Seems like I’ve been there, done that and truthfully there is comfort and a sense of peace knowing at any time I can jump off the ol’ hamster wheel and embark on a new adventure.

In addition, the problem with taking oneself too seriously is by doing so we find ourselves trying to live up to the standards of others and inevitably when we look into the mirror we’re conflicted by what we see. If we look hard enough we realize the essence of who we are is not only buried but often embedded in years of shame, guilt, dishonesty, fear and regret. By taking ourselves too seriously, we’re painfully reminded of the lies we’ve told ourselves and others because deep within our hearts we long to breathe, speak and live our own truth.

Lately, when I look in the mirror I see the unfoldment of my life, the mystery that constantly reveals itself in the most delicate ways. Underneath all my layers, all of OUR collective layers, I truly believe lies everything that is innately good, true and beautiful. This belief is what drives me to dig deeper, to grow and refrain from inquiring what happens next in my life.

Love and Matters of the Heart

As my meditation practice has become extremely beneficial in many facets of my life, I have become increasingly interested and fascinated with researching different healing practices. Along with this growing fascination, I have been pondering whether or not to post a blog on the topic of “love”, partly because I wasn’t quite sure how I wanted to approach the topic and mostly because I’m still learning how to be a more loving, kind and compassionate human being. However, while studying the chakra system, I felt strongly connected to one charka in particular, the fourth chakra: Anahata (which is Sanskrit for the center point, or what is known as the heart chakra).

After studying Anahata, I knew that I would eventually post a blog about “love” and so today, I offer the following excerpt from an opening meditation in one of my favorite books, “Wheels of Life”, written by Anondea Judith, Ph.D. I hope that by sharing this particular excerpt it will encourage and inspire you to look to your heart to find answers. I believe that by looking to our hearts, we gain the ability to understand the magnitude of love and it’s power to transform and heal everything around us, including ourselves and others……

If you listen, you can hear them: beating, beating, beating, beating.

Deep within each person find the heart.
Everywhere around you find the heart.
Deep within ourselves we find the heart.
Every time we touch, we touch the heart.

Within each one is love, awaiting sweet unfoldment.
Release that love upon the winds of breath, and reach beyond.
Touch the hearts inside the ones you love,
And listen to their breath that whistles in…and out…in…and out…
Like you, they laugh and cry and play,
Ceaseless rhythm through each day.
Feel the heart so like your own:
Hoping, healing, breathing, feeling.
Let there be no sound of striking,
Only that of love and liking.

Each unto the dance of love,
That joins the Earth to worlds above,
And joins ourselves unto each other,
Each one seen as sister, brother.
Within our hearts the seeds of peace
Lie, awaiting sweet release.
Upon the winds of change they fly
As deep within our hearts we cry:
Anahata, Anahata, Anahata, Anahata.
The sound of love.

At the center of both spirit and matter lies the heart; the center that emanates love; the force that binds us all. Love realizes there are no boundaries. In my heart I believe this to be true, do you? Afterall, when two people are in love, they will stop at no cost to see their love through and be together. Similarly, when a tragic event like 9/11 occurred here in New York City, people of all occupations, from all walks of life responded, aiding in the relief and recovery effort of those injured and killed in the attack. What is it that encouraged and inspired these compassionate beings to help those in need? Judith notes, “helping others arises from a simple state of compassion-the center, the heart”. Therefore it can be said that the heart is a unifier, the central force in which spirit emanates love, the center in which all healing is possible.

While I may not be an expert on love, my interests lie in matters of the heart, for it is my heart that compels me to post blogs, it is my heart that compels me to be creative, to continue down my spiritual path, to meditate daily and most importantly, it is my heart which encourages me to strive to be a more loving, kind and compassionate individual. No, I’m not an expert on love and those who are I trust are deeply connected with their heart, with spirit and if this is the case then perhaps we can all be experts on love some day!

Creating Boundaries

The beauty about “awakening” so to speak is not that you automatically have it “all” figured out, or that one is void of suffering or experiencing tough times, it just means that one is better equipped to face adversity when it arises. However, awareness is only one facet of the adventure, for fellow wanderers along the spiritual path, realize that spirituality encompasses everything and nothing at the same time (this is a topic for another day).

There are days like today when I can’t help but be aware of some internal discomfort I am experiencing because some of my most intimate relationships have changed as a result of the “positive” changes I have made in my life. However, the feeling of disappointment with regard to what’s going on in the world is a far more pressing issue. The more I become aware of the deeper sense of who I am, the more I realize the pervasive separatism which exists in the external world we call “reality”. Of course it’s all a matter of perspective, as it is quite possible that this sense of moodiness is partly due to my brain’s past associations between rain and feeling melancholy. Ironically, the more I observe how I feel and contemplate the rain, I realize rain constitutes replenishment, growth and renewal. Perhaps the rain is merely a metaphor that symbolizes my longing for a change in human beings (those closest to me and otherwise) to recognize their divisive nature and transcend the illusion of separatism. Albert Einstein expressed this sentiment by saying, “We experience ourselves, our thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest-a kind of optical delusion of our consciousness. This delusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires, and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of understanding and compassion, to embrace all living creatures in the whole of nature and its beauty.”

Part of the reason why dysfunction and chaos exists in the world (in my opinion) is because the individual is simply cut off from it! This dichotomous behavior, human vs. nature is so prevalent in the world and as a result human beings have become increasingly compartmentalized in their thinking. Not only is ones divisiveness influenced by culture, the media regulates and encourages certain types of behavior. Determined to market and sell products, goods and services, large corporations make huge profits and the bottom line of their business seems to be selling products which are geared toward alienating individuals from one another. In an attempt to ensure the consumer will continue to purchase more of the same products he/she has grown accustomed to, the products are advertised and marketed in a way that is alluring and attractive to the consumer. However, the price tag attached to these guilty pleasures is hefty.

The reason why initiatives to address global warming issues are not a priority is because oil and manufacturing companies exploit our planets most precious resources to manufacture goods we think we cannot live without (i.e. gas guzzling SUV’s) but what do we care, we like driving SUV’s and paying $100 to fill up our tanks. You might say, “I don’t drive an SUV, this doesn’t pertain to me”. However, let’s address another issue that might resonate with you or someone you know. Prescription medication! With the growing number of prescription drug users in America, either due to being diagnosed with an illness or perhaps depression, (since diagnosis for depression has become a trend) prescription medication seems to be the answer for some people to cope with daily life, but is it? While there are exceptions to the rule, it seems as though some people think they’re depressed because the commercial for Zoloft tells them they have the symptoms of depression and quite frankly some people believe it’s easier to be numb and ambivalent towards life and towards others. Which leads me to the following questions: 1) Why don’t people speak to their neighbors anymore? 2) Why is it that individuals who live within close proximity to their family members find it easier to communicate with loved ones via email? 3) Why is it easier for some people to text message their best friend rather than pick up the phone and say hello?

Please forgive me if it may seem as though I’m projecting my opinions and/or frustrations in this post because when it comes down to the heart of the matter, what I’m simply trying to point to is, rather than put yourself in a self-induced coma from watching 5 hours of television, (we’ve all done it) pick up a book! Read about anything that is of interest to you. More importantly, don’t rely on second hand information to inform you on politics, or issues that matter! And from one human being to another, from the deepest part of my being, straight from the heart of someone who has been down in the dumps a time or two, I humbly implore you to stop cutting yourself off from others, from your community, from your friends, your peers, your co-workers, your family, from nature, from animals, from the planet and from yourselves.

We are all tiny fragments, so miniscule compared to the great wholeness which we are a part of, interconnected with and interdependent upon. Why do we continue to cut ourselves off from this source? Why do we create boundaries between ourselves and others and at what cost? Today, right now, stop and take the time to call your best friend to say hello, stop to smile at a stranger on the street, stop to offer a helping hand to those in need, stop and take in the extraordinary magnificence of the blue sky that surrounds us all and finally, don’t forget to stop and tell a loved one how much they mean to you.

Living In the Now

A lot of people say they live for the moment and I believe they really do, in so far as the statement suggests the individual is seeking to experience a moment when he/she will truly be happy or liberated from their problems and/or their suffering. There are two problems with living for the moment: 1) one cannot experience happiness, nor be liberated from suffering in any other moment except for this moment, the here & now 2) the only moment that exists is this moment.

Now bear with me, here is where those of us who have been conditioned to think in linear terms may not grasp the true nature of time, rather timelessness and simply dismiss this post as spiritual nonsense: The present has no beginning and no end, for time is a utilitarian, man made concept. Despite the fact that we know this, so many of us still manage to be consumed by “time”, allowing ourselves to be cut off from the present moment, inhibiting ourselves from experiencing life in it‘s fullest capacity, because worrying about tomorrow, next week and next year is more important them being fully engaged and present in the now.

You can try to search for the beginning or end of the present but I assure you, you cannot find it, nor experience it because the present perpetually arises and falls, cascading unto itself like waves in the ocean which continually rise and fall into the vastness of the sea. And while forms (animals, plants, human beings) in the present do indeed change or cease to be and at various points life is difficult, unpleasant, or filled with pain and suffering, the present remains untouched, unending, immortal and sublime. Perhaps with a shift in perspective and a lot of deep inner work, those who say they live for the moment will actually choose to live in the moment.

Living Wholeheartedly

I follow a blog by Tami Simon, the founder of Sounds True. Over the weekend I read Tami’s most recent blog, “What Does It Mean to be ‘Wholehearted‘?.” Inspired by the following question posed to Tami by her partner, I also asked myself, “Am I living in a wholehearted way?”

After reading this blog, I realized along my spiritual journey anytime I had any real breakthroughs during a practice, I approached the practice wholeheartedly. For example, I have only been practicing meditation for a few years and I remember how intimidating it was when I first began, mostly because I really had no idea how to approach the practice, nor what it meant to be fully engaged in my heart, let alone my own body. At the time I heard meditation could give me peace of mind and that it could alleviate stress and tension. While meditation can do all of the above, I had no idea how much work was involved in cultivating my spiritual practice. Also, I had no idea how a spiritual practice could create an opening of awareness that could bring me inner peace and so much more. I mention this because in the beginning my approach to the practice of meditation was frustrating and virtually futile, until I approached meditation with an open heart.

For me, much like my spiritual journey, living in a “wholehearted” way is a process. While I have come a long way since I first began, I continually feel like a newborn opening it’s eyes for the very first time and I am very much aware that my spiritual journey is a continuum. Approaching spiritual practices and life experiences by inquiring if I am living in a wholehearted way, increases mindfulness and mindfulness brings about right action. As those of us embark on our spiritual paths, face life challenges and gain new experiences, how amazing would it be if we could simply ask ourselves, “Am I living in a wholehearted way?“ Imagine how much deeper, more richer and more meaningful each experience in life would be?

Truth

It seems as though “truth” is conformity with fact. Meaning, human beings will accept ideas to be true and/or factual, as long as the information, a) resonates with their belief system, b) contains a mathematical truth, c) can be backed up by the scientific method, or d) because their minister, pastor, rabbi, monk, or spiritual guru told them so.

The “truth” is people rely on a plethora of sources in order to catch a glimpse of “truth”. Rarely do they delve deep into their own hearts for “truth“. “In Buddhism Plain and Simple”, Steve Hagen says, “We know truth. We just habitually overlay our direct experience of Truth with thoughts, beliefs and opinions and ideas.” Why do we do this? In our quest to ascertain “truth”, the ego derives a sense of satisfaction when it feels it has discovered “truth”! However, the ego’s sense of security is compromised when it realizes that the information it once deemed as “truth” is really a false perception of conceptualized beliefs and dogma gathered along the way. Once we realize that everything we believed to be “true” is really false, our ego is shattered and we are left fearful of uncertainty and once again in search of “truth”.

In this moment, the only moment that ever exists, it is essential to get connected with the heart. For the heart is the only place we can cultivate love, compassion and understanding. The heart is the only place we can ever fully grasp the truth.

What It Means To Be Conscious

To understand the world in which we live and accept the paradoxical complexity of human life that contains both joy and suffering, requires a human being to embody a certain level of consciousness. This state of deep awareness is essential for an individual to gain inner peace and more importantly, cope with the challenges one may face in a lifetime. The state of ones worldview is a reflection of the way in which one perceives the world. Thus, to be a conscious human being involves introspection, compassion and understanding, out of which one may conclude that their previously held perceptions of reality, or their worldview was in fact highly unconscious, selfish, judgmental and divisive in nature. What’s important to understand is that living unconsciously translates into outward manifestations of greed, insecurity, fear, violence, hate, destruction and on a highly unconscious level, genocide and war.

We don’t have to observe the world to see that human beings derive a sense of self from a societal structure that continually dictates what one should be. Unfortunately, there is an overwhelming population of people who solely rely upon the images they see in the media, religious doctrine and/or political separatism to define who they are. In addition, western culture emphasizes material wealth and possessions as a measure of ones self worth. As a result, an individual experiences immense suffering. If we observe our culture we can see that it is the societal standards, norms and expectations which contradict our innate, infallible nature, the true essence of our being. The space where compassion, empathy, understanding, love and integration is deeply embedded.

Mindful Speech

The topic in meditation class last night opened my eyes to the reality that complaining just to have something to say has become a common practice amongst individuals today. In fact, it’s the way in which many people seem to relate and bond with one another in their daily lives. Whether it’s talking or complaining about a co-worker to another co-worker in a negative way, or complaining to your friend about how much you hate your job, I pose the following questions: 1. What purpose does complaining or being judgmental serve you? 2. What are the benefits of complaining or being judgmental?

If you contemplate these two questions you’ll probably find that in either case, complaining and passing judgment on others certainly does not enhance your well being, nor does it serve any purpose whatsoever. If you, like so many people, are trying to live a more meaningful and happy life, then this type of behavior will only decrease your happiness, increase your suffering and keep you from living a life that is abundant, happy, meaningful and filled with purpose.

Why practice mindful speech? Practicing mindful speech provides an awareness which deviates the mind from the negative habitual thought and speech patterns which the ego thrives on. Participating in gossip and speaking negatively about yourself and others inhibits you from experiencing true joy, true love, true happiness and true peace.

Try this little experiment. Tell yourself, “Today, I choose not to think, nor to speak negatively of others, including myself. Today, I choose to be mindful and aware of the times in which negative thought and speech patterns arise.” A key element to this experiment is to catch yourself before you enable your mind to have a dialogue about the negative thoughts that arise. By doing so you will find that you are naturally inclined not to engage in speaking negatively about someone, or something with others. Taking this seemingly small practice to heart and into daily life not only has a positive affect on your well being but on others as well. When you consciously choose not to participate in gossip, or display outward negative behavior through speech, you become an example of light to others, showing others that you are a kind and sincere person, worthy of their love, trust and respect. The implications of taking this small practice into our daily lives can change our relationships, the way we communicate with others and essentially the world!

PRIDE

Tonight’s topic in meditation class was pride. Although I never considered myself to be a prideful person, after contemplating the topic of pride, I realized on multiple occasions, not only have I projected prideful emotions onto myself but upon countless individuals throughout my life. When our kind and humble teacher for this evening began to unpack pride, it became clear that pride is extremely complex and attached to many of the other emotions including, jealousy, judgment, fear, anxiety, you name it! The ego’s need to judge others in an attempt to be superior, seems to suggest that pride can be viewed as a defense mechanism which helps one cope with his/her insecurities.

Think back for a moment to a time when you felt that you were better than someone in some way. For example, if you drive an expensive vehicle, have you ever pulled up next to someone who drives a beat up car and felt more superior than that individual? Maybe you make more money than your friend or your neighbor and at times you view yourself as being more fortunate or lucky than he/she because you can afford more expensive clothes and your friend or neighbor can’t. Or, perhaps you have a co-worker who you consider your equal in many ways. You both make the same amount of money, live in the same neighborhood, drive the same type of car but maybe he/she is a little smarter than you, better looking, or appears to have the relationship you wish you had. Deep down there might be a part of you that wishes you could be smarter, better looking or have a great relationship and as a result you might find yourself looking for reasons to criticize or judge your co-worker in order to feel better about yourself. If you pay close attention you will find pride lurking in the form of feeling more fortunate than someone, more superior in some way and in some instances less fortunate or inferior. No matter which example you identify with, pride is an underlying component which feeds the ego and influences you to pass judgment on others by project feelings of superiority, anger, hatred or resentment. If you identify with any of the examples mentioned above, no need to feel guilty or ashamed! Embrace this recognition, for doing so allows you to transmute your pride into humility!

Since there is a deep historicity and attachment to self pride, one must realize that it is one of the most destructive delusions the ego will use to keep human beings separate from each other. If we were all able to be more loving, kind and compassionate to one another and practiced humility on a daily basis, then perhaps all human beings could realize that we are all interconnected and that despite the differences in our appearance, our culture and our socialized belief systems, when we get down to the heart of the matter, intrinsically we are all one!

Speaking From The Heart

What happened to the days when people communicated with one another from a more deep and meaningful place, their heart? Now days it seems so many individuals are consumed by their egos, they are completely disconnected from their heart. Thus, one’s own emotions and feelings are not only dictated by the ego, so are their minds, thoughts, actions and words.

Too often, one communicates with words that are guided by the self created ego that thrives on anger, jealousy, hate, insincerity, dishonesty and insecurity. This fear based emotion which is connected to the ego, keeps individuals from connecting to their hearts, the divine source of love, caring and compassion. Perhaps being disconnected from the heart explains why it is so difficult for many individuals to experience a true, loving, compassionate and honest connection with another human being.

When we speak from our hearts we are able to communicate with wisdom and truth which is our essential nature that is infallible in and more importantly, void of the the self created delusions of the egoic mind. Today, take the time to get connected to your heart!

Attachment

The unconscious need to attach oneself to things and to others seems to be heavily entrenched in human beings. Even in the womb the fetus’ attachment to the placenta for nourishment seems to suggest that on some level attachment is part of human nature. However, when does attachment as survival become problematic and why has attachment become necessary for an individual to gage, acquire, or sustain happiness?

It can be argued that there are “healthy” attachments as well as “unhealthy” attachments. For example, a “healthy” attachment could be when an individual tries to model their own family based upon the “positive” model their parents provided. The warmth, care and loving features modeled by the individual’s parents might connote feelings of joy and fulfillment to that individual. On the other hand, how would one describe the attachment a woman has to her husband despite the fact that he abuses her and she refuses to leave him? Obviously, one could surmise that this is an example of an “unhealthy” attachment. So why is it that the attachment that began as a necessity for survival is problematic in either of the two paradigms of “healthy” and “unhealthy” attachment? And why is it important to realize that true freedom lies in detachment? In the book, “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success”, Deepak Chopra says, “In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty…in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.”

While one cannot deny that expressing love and gratitude to those he/she loves is important, once an individual lets go of his/her attachments, (“healthy” or “unhealthy”), the individual relinquishes the need to rely on others for happiness and most importantly the individual relinquishes the fears and insecurities of their past, in order to realize the true nature of one’s being. Therefore, the trivial attachments to relationships, material possessions and self deprecating behaviors cease to exist and one can participate in the “dance of the universe”, the “fertile ground of pure creativity and freedom”. ~Deepak Chopra

Facing Fear

This particular subject seems to be at the forefront of my mind because it is an aspect of ones life which is difficult to delineate. It’s fascinating how much we internalize the fear and insecurities accumulated and inherited during adolescence. Many of these negative emotions have such an impact on our personal, spiritual, physical and mental well being, that most of the time we are unaware of our attachment to these delusional emotions. In a world where so many of us are seeking both personal and spiritual growth, a certain level of courage and acceptance with regard to our fears and insecurities is required in order to embark on the spiritual journey.

When we face fear head on, we can begin to understand how this emotion in particular, has devastating effects on us mentally, physically and emotionally. Also, on a larger spectrum, the realization that our own self serving fear becomes an outward projection onto the universe, provides the basis and means in which detachment from fear is essential. By projecting our own fears and insecurities onto the world and onto others, the implications of our attachment to fear can greatly impact humanity and the planet in which we inhabit. Perhaps this is why I am drawn to buddha-dharma, because it urges us to examine the nature of our problems and where they come from. By doing so, we manifest change and tap into the infinite potentiality of life.